Gratitude Challenge, Day 8

Back on the wagon...

Send thank-you notes to five people who deserve a little recognition....

They're leaving on Saturday, so I couldn't risk mailing them, but I emailed my parents this morning. They count as #1 and #2. And my friend Dena, who met me for lunch, is #3. I joined her at the restaurant feeling wilted and blue and left at least 6" taller and feeling joyful. Friends just work that way, and it's a good thing!

#3 and #4 I haven't decided yet. But I'm getting there. Since this blog is as much for posterity as it is for transparency, I've excerpted the first two notes below.

Dear Nancy (Mom),

Thank you, Mom, for loving me like I was your own daughter, for filling up a void in my soul that had sat empty for a long time. Thank you for loving my children like they were your own flesh and blood, and smothering them with love, wisdom and fun...Thank you for bringing joy and laughter back in to Dad’s eyes. Thank you for the way you care for him and his household, for the way you honor him and respect him. Thank you for being his companion, partner and friend and ending the nightmare of loneliness he endured for so long.

You’ve only been in my life less than two years, but I can’t imagine our lives without you! God is so good.

*************************
Dear Dad,

Thank you for all the wisdom and love and patience you have showered on me for the last 36 years. Thank you for staying true to Mom even when she rejected you. Thank you for being such a wonderful example to my children of a godly husband! Thank you for choosing such wonderful, godly women as your partners in life – both the first time, and the second.

Thank you for introducing my sons to amazing opportunities like flying and yes, even bow-hunting and giving them wonderful memories for them to hold all their lives.

...you better be home in time to read them The Night Before Christmas. Promise?

Gratitude Derailed

So, yes, I fell off the grateful wagon. I haven't posted since last week - I've been (momentarily) derailed by some terrible news. Separately, I've learned that dreadful things have happened to two families I know and love. Things that shouldn't happen to anyone. Things that aren't supposed to happen to good people.

But bad things still happen.

I'm struggling with it.

It's been hard to be thankful for sunshine and hot lattes when you know someone you care about is struggling to just get out of bed and face the enormous burden of their day. I don't feel like I deserve to be happy or grateful.

Why them and not me?

Maybe this is just part of the GC - learning to be grateful when there's nothing (or so it seems) to be grateful for. Or, in the face of suffering, finding blessings.

Ciao for now. Let me continue to digest the week's events and I'll bounce back eventually.

Day 7 - "Wordless Wednesday"

Take a picture of a person, place or moment that makes you feel grateful.

I couldn't take just one...

Gratitude Challenge, Day 6

Take a few minutes to call someone you haven't talked to in a while. Tell them how much you appreciate them.

I hope you have your cell phone with you today, Cari.

The Gratitude Challenge, Day 5

Take five minutes to write about how grateful you are for all of the wonderful things that you currently have in your life. Don’t long for what you don’t possess—instead, take stock of all the blessings you already enjoy.

Grace.
Forgiveness.
Gabe.
Scooby & Scrappy.
Morning lattes.
Sleeping in.
Hot water.
Leopard-print ballet flats.
A kind boss.
Sunshine.
A freezer and fridge full of food.
A patio.
Roses.
10 brothers and sisters.
8 neices and nephews.
A granddad.
Three moms (all terrific).
Daddy.
Patty B.
A closet full of pretty clothes.
A chest full of pretty jewelry.
Health.
Girlfriends.

The Gratitude Challenge, Day 4

Write a short message of thanks for some of the “negative” things in your life.


I'm thankful for financial struggles. I see ours, and I look around me, and I realize - we still have SO much to be thankful for! What we have does not define us. We can, and we will, live without some - if not all - that we have, and WE WILL THRIVE.

I'm thankful for my strong-willed, defiant little babes. This fire within them will, God-willing (and I survive), buoy them in later years when they face peer-pressure and trials in their adult life - and help keep them going.

I'm thankful for this blasted heat-wave, because it means I live in California, which I love and adore. Come February, I'll be longing for 90 degree weather again.

I'm thankful for the piles of laundry I've yet to fold tonight, because I didn't have to wash them by hand, and I love the little bodies that will wear those socks and undies this week.

Nighty-night...a demain!

The Gratitude Challenge, Day 3

Write about something you feel grateful for in your life today.

I'm grateful for my health. I'm grateful that my family has been free from major illness and disease. I have watched other families suffer from cancer and other horrors and I often wonder...why them? why not us? Not that I would wish it upon ourselves, oh no, but how does that all work that they get saddled with such a burden and we don't? I know it's not a fair world, and I know that God is there through all of it. I'm thankful though, that ear infections, colds and the occasional round of familial gastro-intestinal ewww has been the worst we've had to face.

I'm sure it won't always be that way. But this post is about today, not about tomorrow. Today, I'm grateful for my health.

The Gratitude Challenge: Day 2

Use the alphabet as a fun and quick format for making a list of things for which you feel grateful. Share this list with your social network through email, a blog post or a Facebook or MySpace page.

A: Apples. it's fall and I love having a bowl-full on my table. I love that Scrappy now carries one around, knawing on it like a little squirrel for hours until it's mangled and bruised.

B: Boys. I have three and love them dearly.

C: C stands for Scooby, my firstborn. My superhero/astronaut/pilot with the bleach-blonde hair and aqua blue eyes who has a memory that is scary-quick, and is absorbing knowledge faster than you can say "

D: Daddy. Mine. I know, he's in here twice, and it's because I'm feeling blue about their move, but my dad has been my rock the last 10 years, serving as both father and mother, confidant and nurturer, when mom was taken from us. He made such a perfect choice in partner when he brought Nancy into our lives, too. I'm really grateful for such a wonderful dad. Thank you Dad for my dad.

E: Email. I'm grateful for such an easy way to keep in touch with people.

F: Friends. Loyal, long-distance, local, whatever. I love 'em.

G: Gabe. I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so grateful for the amazing partner, friend, lover and father that I'm married to.

H: Halloween. I love corny, campy decorations and this is the first of a bunch of great winter holidays that give me an excuse to go country for a few months.

I: iPhones. I don't have one, but one of the preschool teachers does and it's been the only way I've been able to drop Scooby off each morning this week without screaming and tears. He loves the Star Wars app...while he's slinging around his lightsaber, I can sneak away without any Mama Drama.

J: Job. As in the one I've got now, which allows my kids to enjoy this great school and gives me the time to enjoy them.

K: Karen, my mom. I am so grateful for the 20 great years I had with her. I am so grateful she made me pull weeds, and sit for her while she sketched, and sat and listened to my adolescent angst. My garden, her drawings on my wall, and my sense of self all hearken back to her legacy.
And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

L: Love. As in the unconditional variety. I'm grateful for that.

M: M is for Scrappy, my baby. The one I still rock in the middle of the night after he falls out of bed or has a nightmare. The one with the fiery temper who's got dimples, and he knows how to use them.

N: Nancy. My step-mom, friend, and one of those gifts from God you never expected but find you cannot live without. Especially now that I might be without her till next May. Bleah.

O: Opthamology. I no longer live in dreaded fear of retinal detachment.

P: Papa. The best granddad two boys could possibly imagine, who loves them, coaches them, challenges them, and takes them flying. Top that. Besides, he's my daddy and I wouldn't have survived 1990-2006 without him.

Q: Quick dinners - from places like Trader Joe's and Costco. When they say "organic" I feel that much less guilty for not preparing something from scratch, too.

R: Rewards. Hopefully one we'll all be enjoying this weekend if Scooby has yet another week of consistently improved behavior at school. It's called "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs".

S: Mrs. S., and all the teachers at our school, who don't just care for my kids, they LOVE my kids. They are thrilled when they succeed, and heartbroken when they don't. They encourage and support ME just as much. I couldn't ask for a better group of men and women to help me raise my boys into loving, Godly men.

T: Time. When I have it, I'm grateful for it. Time to relax and do nothing. Time with my girlfriends. Time to sit down at the table with my family. Time to hang out and watch The Backyardigans with one on each side.

U: Underwater. As in, being underwater. With my kids. In the swimming pool, in the lake - one of the few activities we ALL were able to enjoy together ALL summer long.

V: Views of my backyard. I love looking out my windows now on my pretty patio. It makes the plants even look nicer.

W: Window. The one behind my office which looks out over the preschool playground where Scrappy, at this very moment, is pushing himself along on a tricycle with his feet. We don't have that pedaling thing down yet. I love being able to watch him and his friends during the day.

X: The Roman numeral for 10, and the sign of the cross. The reason I can wake up and face each day no matter the challenges or the hardships or the joys. Because He died for me.

Y: Y is for Yahoo! and all those wonderful portals and search engines and blogs that have made the world smaller and life much more interesting. And have also provided me with another great tool of procrastination.

Z: Ok, I'm completely stuck. Z stands for...zippers? zany? zinc oxide? I'm grateful for zinc oxide and what it does for Scooby's backside. How's that.

See you tomorrow.

The Gratitude Challenge

I was just challenged to take the Gratitude Challenge.

I would seem awfully grumpy if I refused, so I didn't.

Here we go - 21 days, 21 posts, and probably more than you were interested in.

Day 1: Express why you accepted this challenge and what you hope to achieve from it.

I am accepting this challenge because discontent has always been one of my millstones. It drags me down, it robs my joy, and prevents me from being the person I want to be. Discontent and gratitude, being sworn enemies, cannot co-exist. Here's to 21 days free from discontent. Or at least 21 days with less of it. We can start small.

And besides, the real reason I write this blog is because I want something that my kids can read 20 years from now, when perhaps their mom isn't quite the person she is now. Lest they forget how much they were loved, adored, laughed over, cried over.

I don't know what the future holds, or what God intends for me and my family, but I print out and keep these logs in a binder. It's the closest I'll ever get to a diary. It's a journal of my love for them. I want them to know how grateful I am for them and for the life I have RIGHT NOW. That's the best we all can do, right?

See you tomorrow.

Bruised, but not broken...

I barely triumphed this morning, over the ambush orchestrated by a 6 and a 2 year old.

Their goal? Not leaving the house.

They were ruthless in their endeavor. There was milk spitting, excessive screaming, hair-dryer hiding and the 'ole "I can't find my shoe!" trick...at one point the conniving little gremlins tried to distract me by attacking one another.

I'm exhausted, but triumphant. We made it to school on time.

globally unpositionable...

"I am not a brave person."

This was the line that kept running through my head a few nights ago, as I drove through utter blackness, pulling over periodically to read the page-long sheet of directions I was given to guide me and my two-year-old to our overnight accomodations. (or, at the very least, a meeting place from whence my SIL would guide me to our overnight accomodations.)

I like to know where I'm going, in the first place. GPS is usually helpful in this arena. But statements kept popping up on my Garmin screen, like:

"Please find the highlighted route and your guidance will begin."

Please FIND the highlighted route?
You want ME to find it?!
That's YOUR job!
You mean, the SATELLITE doesn't even know where I am?

I am GLOBALLY UNPOSITIONABLE???!!

yes, globally unpositionable, in the dark, all alone, responsible for not only my well-being but that of the tired and cranky little person in the backseat, who was, blissfully unaware of how scared I was of being lost.

Blindly assuming that at some point, we,
but more importantly, he,
would soon be tucked into bed.
Knowing with unwaivering certainty
that footie pajamas, a sippy cup, "bitzie", and Sharkie would also be joining him there.

Upon arriving at the agreed-upon meeting place - a charming little park in the teensy-weensy town of Santa Margarita (I know the precise size of the town - it is not tiny, nor is it teeny, it is teensy-weensy because I drove the length and breadth of it, twice, trying to find said park). At one point, I attempted to follow a van full of drunk teenagers (by accident - I thought it was Trish), and by them was alerted to the fact that said park was rapidly filling with more drunk teenagers and I was at the site of a very-soon-to-be raging rave.

After meandering through total, utter darkness behind the tailights of my SIL, safety emerged from the gloom in the form of a capacious 5th wheel, lit up like a Christmas tree, the A/C running (did I mention that Santa Margarita is very, very hot?) and hugs from my family who awaited us.

We achieved our goal,
we didn't get (very) lost,
we didn't give in to (total) panic, and,
we didn't get kidnapped by drunk teenagers.

Later that night, a full moon rose and shone so brightly outside that the darkness was pushed away and the hills and trees lit up as midday.

I know this because Scooby and I were awake, trying to get warm.
Santa Margarita, while quite hot in the daytime, is a bit chilly at 3am.
We cuddled in a nice rocking chair in the darkness.
he had me (and Sharkie)
I had Him.
we were globally unpositionable
but safe
in the deep, dark night
and maybe,
just a bit more brave
than we thought.

This summer has been just full of those moments where I find out what I'm truly capable of.

on the subject of First Grade

Second day of First Grade. Scooby starts crying in the car.

"I don't want to be in First Grade! I want to be in Kindergarten!"

I am astonished at this response. We have been having so many discussions of exciting First Grade field trips and many other virtues,

"But why, Scooby?" I ask.

Wailing: "There aren't any TOYS in First Grade!"

I kept a straight face. It was touch, but I did it. Welcome to reality sweetie! Only 15 or so more years to go.


Day One of Kindergarten, 2008

first grade

So the first day of school went great yesterday – a big adventure.

Today, however, Scooby kept telling me he didn’t want to go to school.

He didn’t like first grade after all, he said.

He finally got around to telling me why…

“Because, Mom, there aren’t any toys!!!”

I kept a straight face. It was tough, but I did it.







Welcome to reality sweetie!

words of wisdom, or, from the mouths of babes

After calling Scooby on some misbehavior the night before with the babysitter, he looked at me incredulously. How does she KNOW these things?! his expression said.

What his mouth said:

"Girls know too much. You're way too smart."

Remember that, dearest, and life will go well with you always!

more lake fun...

life on the lake

i never really wanted to go camping. i'm not a nature girl. i like hot water, clean toilets, shaved legs, and comfy beds. i don't like bugs, dirt, public restrooms, or poison oak.

but they begged. and they pleaded. i almost agreed until i found out Gabe was scheduled to be in Vegas for a conference.

no way, i said.

not by myself, i wailed.

who would pack the truck? program the GPS? clean the bugs off the windshield?
PUMP THE GAS?!

but they begged. and they pleaded.

i'm a big girl. i can try new things.

i agreed.
two nights.
i can do this.

i took half a day off of work just to prepare...i bought groceries, organized gear. (it takes a lot of gear). the next morning, i was up at 4:30am in anticipation of my 5:30am alarm. and we were pulling out of the driveway by 6:40.

not bad, i thought! now, type the address into the GPS and away we go.

but the GPS didn't like the address i had. it also didn't want to just send me to a town. we lost 30 minutes trying to convince the dadgum contraption just to navigate me somewhere near the campground. finally, we came up with a point on the north tip of the lake and away we go. again.

mom, can we watch a movie?
NO, i said! look out the window! enjoy the view!
hey look, tractors! orange trees! *sniff sniff* GARLIC!

check out the pretty resevoir!

i held them off for almost an hour and a half before finally agreeing.

after a few other sundry obstacles...a jammed VHS player, goldfish down the pants, one potty break...we hit the north point of the lake 4 hours later and the GPS dropped me off.

except the lake was on my right.
the lake was supposed to be on my left.

turnaround, try again.

the lake is still on my right.
it's supposed to be on my left.

at this point, Scrappy is wailing in frustration at being in the car so long.

he's tired. it's naptime.

i'm tired. it's naptime.

i try to call my dad but i can't hear over Scrappy.

i get out of the truck and stand on the side of the road,

on the wrong side of the lake,

and start wailing in frustration myself.

a nice man then cautiously approached the crazy lady and offered directions.

now the lake is on my left.

good. progress.

10 minutes later we were unloading. it was 100 degrees. the only facilities are a spigot, four bathrooms with a toilet and a sink (no mirror - in hindsight, seeing oneself after two nights of camping is probably unwise). lots of bees. lots of dirt.

i fail to see the allure, here, people.

an hour later we were on the beach. a breeze is blowing. we're in the shade and perfectly comfortable. the water is about 80 degrees. no sooner had we arrived than Scoob was invited to join a watergun fight by cousins he'd never met. they generously (and bravely) handed over an AK47 of water rifles and proceed to spend the next two hours joyfully destroying each other.

then he was invited to go tubing behind uncle roger's boat. Papa went along, so i took a deep breath and waved from the beach. he came back glowing and gloating over his triumph: i didn't fall off, mom!

scrappy toddled about in the waves in his little life-jacket. we ate peanut butter sandwiches in camp chairs, the breeze off the lake was just perfect.

evening brought hotdogs in the camper for the kids, a quick bath in the sink for me and i left to join my new siblings and cousins for adult conversation, margaritas and burgers at Ducey's on the other side of the lake.

there was a live band playing 80's next door; we sat on the balcony in the balmy summer night for hours laughing and talking. at 9:30, all the lights on the dock and balcony went out.

the lake was full of bobbing boats.

and then fireworks.

right in the middle of the lake. it was bliss.

it wasn't the most pleasant of sleeps, but Scoob was in the tent with cousin Levi, and i was in the camper without any critters sharing my bed. neither arachnid, arthropod, nor child.

morning brought a pleasant cool and a cup of Peet's.

i'm starting to get it now...

the day brought five hours on the lake, more tubing, hopping out to pick up burgers at The Forks right on the dock. it felt like we were in some movie about summer life.

we swam, we tubed, scrappy nodded off in the corner with his lifejacket propping up his head, his little arm up on the arm rest, and my hat pulled low over his eyes, like an over-partied boater passed out in the corner.

we dropped anchor off Falls Beach and Scooby climbed the granite face for a go on the God-made waterslide. given that it is formed by snow melt, he only did it once. brrrr.

the evening brought a picnic on Jack's Beach with my brother and family, and more fun with the babies in the waves. there is so much malachite in the sand, when the waves hit the beach it swirls in the water. the setting sun turns it all to shimmering gold.

s'mores, sleeping kids, a glass of wine in a dixie cup by the fire with my new family.

it's good.

i bathed over a sink. i shaved my legs in a public restroom. i hosed down naked kids in broad daylight off the back of the camper. i didn't wash my hair for 3 days. Scooby became quite adept at "watering the trees". Scrappy had dirt in places i won't even tell you about. we were coated in sunscreen and bugspray. we had to fight with bees for our food.

it was the most fun i've had in a long time, even more so because i shared it with my kids.

i get it.

can't wait till next year...

The Lowneys, Gabes and Stones

Bass Lake, 2009

pirates on the nightstand...

i was crawling into bed last night and picked up one of the books on my bedside table. i usually manage to read 2 or 3 pages every night before i drop the book on my face. underneath, there was a little rubber finger puppet of a pirate, left by Captain Scooby no doubt. i began wondering at what point in my life i would no longer find pirates on the nightstand, matchbox in my kitchen drawers and goldfish in the glove compartment.

it will be a sad, sad day when that happens.

Quotable Quotes:

Mom, I met a dictator at the planetarium! Only, he wasn't a bad guy, he was a good guy.

And another conversation:

him: Mom, I miss Grammy Karen.

me: I know, sweetie, me too. We'll see her again someday. She's waiting for us in heaven.

*pause*

him: We can't eat rotten peanuts, right Mom?

(see if you can figure out his train of thought...Dad, I know you'll get it!)

Birthdays and Alma Maters

The evening of my birthday party at Buca di Beppo's - are rather chaotic event with 14 kids and 12 adults, but fun nonetheless. I am sporting my Bless Your Heart boutique attire and the boys are modeling some spectacular new duds straight from the Pepperdine lectures, courtesy of Nana and Papa.

Quote of the week....

This was just relayed to me by another staff member, who was the original recipient of the information.

Scooby: Did you know that before I had an age I had an older brother? He died. He ate Fire Fruit. It has Fire Juice in it. So he died. But, he was a Christian. So he went to heaven.

The first girl...

May it be noted here for posterity, and for all of Scooby's future girlfriends and someday, his wife, to know - the first girl that Scooby ever asked out on a date was...

The school Librarian.

Props to Mrs. Hickinbotham for being so cool as to attract the love of a Kindergartener.